Relationship Counseling in Tampa

What are the warning signs for couples?

These problems can cause a significant amount of conflict. Conflict in relationships is healthy when it is effectively managed. However, if the following red flags are present, it is a good predictor of a failing relationship according to Dr John Gottman, the expert in couple dynamics.

• Criticism - A simple complaint focuses on a specific behavior, while criticism attacks the character of the person.

• Defensiveness - Self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack.

• Contempt - Statements that come from a relative position of superiority. Some examples of contempt include using sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eyerolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. 

• Stone-walling - When the listener completely withdraws from the interaction. 

Problems can get worse over time if they are never addressed or resolved. Resentment builds up and you can't even remember the person you used to love. ​

How to repair a damaged relationship

It is hard to reconnect with your partner when you have developed a pattern of negative interactions with each other. Having an objective third-party involved can give you both valuable information about the cause of the miscommunication and the conflicts. The sooner help is sought the more likely repair can occur and peace can be established. A well-trained Marriage or Couples Therapist can teach you better communication skills, assist in effectively managing long-standing conflicts and eventually re-establish trust. ​

The first thing I like to address when I meet with couples is excessive fighting and arguing in the relationship. The fighting causes a great deal of damage to the relationship so guidelines need to be put in place to avoid that excess strain. I strongly recommend implementing time-out rules. A time-out is used when either party recognizes their own physical signs of anger, such as elevated heart rate, increased breathing, feeling warm, tunnel vision, and tense muscles. The point of a time-out is for the person who requested it to calm themselves down so they don't do or say something that will hurt the relationship. See the link to time-out rules below in Relationship Resources. Once the fighting is lessened, learning more skills and implementing changes can then be addressed.

Take the next step....

Learn more about me or call now to start to rebuild your relationship.